Craig Ferguson Teaches Scottish Slang to Jay Baruchel

Hi there gang, I'm Jay Baruchel

And my name is Craig Ferguson.

I am Scottish and you are?

Canadian. Right.

And I'm going to teach Jay Baruchel

some Scottish slang words.

Are you ready, Jay Baruchel?

Am I ever, Craig.

[bagpipe music]

Alright, then.

Spondoolies, d'you know what that is, have a guess.

I haven't the foggiest, spondoolies.

Spondoolies is money. Oh.

The reason we make films, Jay, the reason we make films.

Alright. Balloon.

I assume it's a balloon?

No, you'd be wrong, a balloon is an idiot.

Like, see that guy there? He's a right balloon.

He's a balloon. Look at these two balloons.

Ah, look at these balloons, I could do that.

He's too-- How many

spondoolies do these balloons get for going that shite?

These two balloons certainly love spondoolies.

[laughter]

Here we go. What you got there?

Skedaddle aff. Does that mean

get the fuck outta here?

There you go, you're pickin' it up.

That's pretty self evident.

Yuptae. What're you up to?

Yes, yeah, it's almost like you are Scottish.

Lemme have a look at your teeth.

Oh bampot. Oh right.

You know what that is?

I've heard it before. Right.

A bampot is a, you know Gerry Butler, right?

Yeah. He's a bampot.

[laughter]

A fuckin' bampot.

Yer a chancer. Chancer.

A chancer, you know Gerry Butler, right?

Yeah. He's a chancer.

[laughter]

Whit's fur ye'll no go past ye.

Uh, what's good for you will uh, I don't know.

No, it means I'd like my pasta al dente.

Oh, fair, took the words right outta my mouth.

It doesn't mean that.

[laughter]

He's a balloon for believing me.

Yer oot yer face.

Um, well it could be used in many different ways.

Drunk or-- I would say,

I would say yer oot yer face, probably.

Don't be a wee-- Clipe.

Oh no, is Gerard Butlers a clipe?

No, no he's not, to be fair.

A clipe is a stool pigeon, a rat.

A grass. Yeah, a grass, yeah.

We don't have any of that in show business.

Mony a mickle maks a muckle.

Heh, a lotta mickles, muckle, bum.

I notice there--

A lotta little things make a big thing.

Geein me the boak.

Oh yes. Givin' me crap?

Makin' me feel sick.

Yeah. That's geein me the boak

'cause boak, of course, is to boak is--

[Both] To vomit.

Ah. Lemme give you an example.

[vomiting noise]

It's a word which sounds like it is, it's onomatopoeia.

It is indeed, sounds like it reads.

Like it is, like um, dolphin.

[snorting laughter]

Och awa' an' dinna talk pish.

Oh yeah, get the fuck out I don't talk shit.

Or pish. Or pish.

Yeah, don't talk pish. Pish is urine,

I would think. Oh, are we, alright.

Yeah, Skinny Malinky longlegs.

Big banana feet went to the pictures, could not find a seat.

Simple, keep goin'. Alright, uh

I'm Jay Baruchel, thanks for havin' me.

Au revoir, my name is Craig Ferguson

of Paris, dear Montreal.

[laughter]

Stupid.